I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize