i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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