Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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