Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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