Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
