A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
