I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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