FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
