dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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