I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
