If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
