Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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