MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
