Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
