Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
