it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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