i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
