i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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