we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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