How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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