oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
