what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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