I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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