It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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