I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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