For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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