Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
