umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
