ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
