I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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