Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
