I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
