random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
