I think I am morally bankrupt
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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