I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Let's get the cat blown out
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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