Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
