i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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