Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
