What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
