I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize