He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
