doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
nutella sex= disaster
pop tarts are not kleenex
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
