we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
