Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
