Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
