So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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