i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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