Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
