i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
