So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
