Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
