haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
