You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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