I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
