I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
