Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
