I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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