Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
