he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
