literally had 100 drinks last night.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
