Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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