Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
