I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
