cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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