Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
