im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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